I was born into a Christian home, in fact, my father was attending Seminary when I was born. I grew up around good influences in a solid, Bible believing church. I was in church almost every Sunday since 9 months before I was born. I said the sinners prayer when I was 3 - 5ish. I have no idea exactly how old I was; I have a bad sense of time and it wasn't that big of an event to me. I didn't want to go to Hell and that was my pure motivation for saying the prayer at that time. I have since found that saying some words doesn't make you saved. But I am getting ahead of myself. I continued on in my life as usual, doing the same things all little kids do. I seemed to be doing OK until I hit middles school.
At that point I was overcome by the desire to fit in and abandoned everything I knew was right and wrong in pursuit of recognition by my peers. I failed at being a cool kid and fell in with a bad crowd of kids and got into some morally bad stuff. I soon began swearing, watching dirty movies and even fell so far as to look at pornography. Through the grace of God, I was spared from getting into drug use of any kind but the inner, moral sins hurt just as much. I lived a double life, being one person at school and with my friends and a different one at church and at home. I knew how to play church and how to act and what to say so everyone who needed to would think I was a good little pastor's kid. All of these moral failures didn't happen overnight but slowly over the course of a few years. By the end of middle school I was in a prime place to enter into high school and become one of the rest, partying, drinking, having sex and all that, but, by the grace and mercy of God, I was saved from all this.
God showed up at a leadership conference the summer before I entered 9th grade. I had been to this conference before, playing church doing the things good Christian kids did but had never let any of it sink in. This time, though, God got my attention. I don't remember who the speaker was or what he was talking about but at that time God showed me where my life had come and all at once I saw how far I had fallen. I knew at that moment that I needed some major change and rededicated my life to Christ, my Saviour. I view this as the time that I truly was saved, although, since then until now and until I die, it will be a continual journey towards Christ-likeness. It was no overnight change. I struggled with ridding my life of these evils that I had fallen into. It wasn't until the end of 9th grade that I had stopped swearing and I didn't have the courage to say no to watching immoral movies with my friends until 11th grade. Throughout high school I struggled with giving my life fully to God, still clinging to bits of my old man and wanting to keep control. Finally, in my senior year I got my priorities straight and finally started living a life pleasing to God. Now, as I head off into the rest of my life, I pray that I will continue to grow closer to Him.
I am still recovering from my poor decisions and my time fleeing from God, but He is faithful and will stand by my side until I am complete in Him. Daily, I must give my life over to Him. I have had ups and downs in my relationship with God since He turned my life around, but with His help and guidance I have moved steadily forward and am now far beyond what I could have dreamed of back then. As I continue to seek God's face, he continues to grow me. So, that is where I have been and where I am going, and this blog will be a place for me to share my journey with you and, hopefully, for us to support each other as we all continue in our walk with God.
Want to share your testimony? Either post it as a comment or email me killacam13@gmail.com
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